Brooks

Cute little Brooksie boy! We are trying to teach him how to share but he isn't quite grasping that idea yet. He asks that "Aahyeee" (Hallie) "share" with him but he freaks when she tries to play with whatever he is playing with. It is usually his cars, he is pretty possessive over his cars. Haha! Cars are his favorite thing in this world. He also loves balls and to "shoe"(shoot) hoops. His language is getting a little better, I think. He is attempting to say more and more words but they aren't the clearest to understand yet. About 95% of the time I know what he is asking for but I try to make him pronounce it correctly before I give it to him. However, instead of pronouncing it correctly he moves on to just say "cheese" (please). Haha! I'm going to work on reading to him more and hopefully that will help him in the language department. He is tricky though because he likes to look at pictures in books but doesn't have the patience to let you read the words on the pages. He is the best little sleeper and I'm not sure we will ever be able to get rid of his binky. He loves that thing, and his burp cloths (he needs 2 of them to sleep) and his blanket. He does not like being told no, particularly from Russ and usually sprawls out on the floor crying when Russ tells him no. I love watching him and Hallie play together. More often they are bugged with each other but I love when they run around and laugh together..

 Playing hide-and-seek with daddy

 Getting a drink out of the bath tub facet. His naked body is my favorite!

 Painting

 Snuggles! He continues to love snuggling and I hope he never ever gives this up!

 Grabbing a flosser with Hallie's bike helmet and shoes on!

 Wearing mommy's snow boots. This kid loves wearing other peoples shoes! If he is left in our master bedroom closet for too long you better believe there will be about 95 pairs of shoes scattered on the floor!

 Such a happy boy!

 He is very content with his ball and cars on his lap!

 Look who got into the diaper rash cream while I was doing something else? Little stink. 

 Wearing daddy's shoes. I love how his hands are in his sweatshirt pocket. So cute!

 Holy black paint mess everywhere! Luckily this came off of our countertop without a problem. 

 Swinging at the park!

Kids at Shelli's

Our kids love going to Shelli's on Wednesdays. Brooks naps for most of the time and Hallie gets to play and color and create. She often plays with her cousin, Brecken, because Shelli and Amber live so close together. We are grateful for Shelli watching them every week so that I can work in the afternoons!

Kids

"I never knew how much love my heart could hold until someone called me mommy!" I'm so grateful to spend my days with my kids. I love them more then they will ever know. Having them call me mommy is both an honor and privilege.

We had spaghetti for dinner one time. The kids thought it would be funny to fill the back of a dump truck full of spaghetti and then dump the noodles on the floor. After the noodles were all over the floor the kids proceeded to eat them off the floor. Grody! 

 A kids picnic table we got from vine.

 Mcdonalds trip with Daddy while I was at a stake conference meeting

 They have my heart!

 Eating valentines candy

 Russ and I went on a date and Alex and Katrina watched our kids. Brooks and Hallie loved being there!

 Shopping with Captain America and her brother

 Kids making a mess with bath crayons!

Hallie

Hallie is so stinking smart! She remembers everything and can be so sweet. She is very demanding and constantly needs to be entertained. She is not pleasant when she is tired but on the flip side she is incredibly fun and sweet when she is well rested. She has recently started sleeping in our room, on our floor, at night. At first, we didn't know she was coming into our room because she was so quiet. We basically just found her on our floor when we woke up in the morning. But now it has become a nightly thing. I feel torn as to what we should do. I mean I don't want to encourage her sleeping on our floor because ultimately I don't want her on our floor and it's not comfortable and she will sleep better if she is just asleep the whole night long on a comfy bed. But, she says she is scared at night, and I, too, remember sleeping on my parents floor because I was scared as well. So, I don't know what to do. We have set a rule that she has to stay in her room until at least 3 AM or we take her stuffed animals away. Sometimes she obeys by that rule, and other times she doesn't. I hope this is just a phase but honestly she gives me no sense of hope that this will end anytime soon. 

I have been working out regularly this year. The kids like to work out with me. This was Hallie's workout clothes she decided to wear that day (her gymnastics leotard on first and her swimsuit over the top). Haha!

 Her chalk art to her neighbor friend, Jack. "I love you Jack, love Hallie, Happy V Day."

 Isn't she so perfect?!?

 She has the best smile!

 Hallie's Captain America outfit she picked to wear to Costco

  My cutie patootie at gymnastics. This is her last month at Bailie's gymnastics. Her previous gymnastic teacher (Miss Madisen) is coming back from maternity leave. We like Miss Madisen in that she is cheaper, closer and I feel like she is actually making progress every week in her tumbling. 

Feelings...

For several weeks, perhaps months, I have been thinking about having another baby. It is actually something that I think about multiple times a day. I have never experienced being "baby hungry" before but I think I am now. For some reason I can't get the idea out of my head. I have known for quite sometime that Russ is completely fine with only having two kids. In fact, he doesn't really want any more kids. He states that more kids=more money, and more kids means we can't give our kids one-on-one attention like we do now, and quite bluntly he doesn't want to go through the "newborn" phase again. All of these are probably true and yes, the newborn stage is so incredibly hard, in fact, the first year of a baby's life is hard! But, I can't shake the thoughts that I have been having every day for what seems like forever!

So, one night I told Russ that I needed to discuss something with him. He always gets a little nervous when I say something like that, usually because he knows it will be a serious conversation. I started out by explaining that I know he feels complete with just our two kids but for some reason I think about having another kid all the time. It is always in my mind. I imagine having another kid. I think about what it would be like to have another kid. In fact, I'm quite convinced our next kid is a little boy. I'm not sure why on that part other then I just feel that it is. I feel I would always regret not having another kid.

Russ questioned that maybe I wanted another kid because I've been around so many friends of mine that have little babies. Or, he wondered if because my friends have lots of kids, I am feeling guilty that maybe we should have more kids as well. This is not the case! And quite honestly these comments were hurtful. I know how big of a deal it is to add another member to our family. It is not something I take lightly nor is it something I would do just to follow what my friends are doing. Trust me, I like our life right now. Our kids are at great ages and I am really enjoying our family time together. I don't necessarily want to have another kid unless it is what we should be doing either.

During our conversation I became very emotional, and I'm not even sure why. Probably because I feel one way and Russ feels the complete other way. I explained that I am not sure if this is a prompting from Heavenly Father of why I keep having these thoughts or if it is just my own mind. And if this is a prompting, why can't Heavenly Father prompt Russ too??? It would help me not doubt myself so much. Is this really all in my head, which is why Russ isn't on the same page as me? The last thing I want to do is push something that shouldn't be pushed. I value Russ and his opinion more than anyone else's. And my relationship with him is more important than anything else in my life. So, to have us disagree on something we both feel so strongly about is really difficult.

Ultimately, Russ, seeing that this topic was very tender to me, explained that all of these feelings I have been having probably are because we should have another kid. He said that the only reason he doesn't want to have another kid is for selfish reasons. But, it would sure make things easier if I knew that Russ was feeling the same way as me. I feel all alone in this. Russ will support me and will be on board with whatever I feel is right for our family but I just wish I had more reassurance than this.

After our conversation, I didn't feel totally relieved. Yes, I expressed my feelings but I want Russ to reciprocate those feelings as well. I want him to want to. I want him to feel strongly about it the way that I do. I want him to pray about it. But when I ask him to do so he says "Heavenly Father is going to say yes. He will never say no when you ask him if you should have another kid!"

So, this morning I went to the temple. I have set a new goal for this year to attend the temple every month. Of course, on my mind the entire time was the question, "Should we have another kid?" In fact, last month when I went to the temple, this same question was running through my mind as well. Although no answers were received in January.

During this endowment session, I didn't feel anything except for the fact that I was so tired. While in the Celestial room I felt extremely peaceful. I kept saying to myself, "Gosh, the temple is so peaceful." I said a prayer, like I always do in the Celestial room, and of course prayed saying, "I think we are supposed to have another kid. How will I know that that is right?" I ended my prayer and just sat there. I was wishing so badly that an answer of "yes" or even "no" would come into my mind but it didn't. So, I continued to just reflect on how peaceful the temple was. How clean and white the temple is and how relaxed I felt. The scripture then popped into my head, "Did I not speak peace unto you concerning this matter?" and the light bulb went off! There is my answer. The peace I was feeling WAS my answer. It wasn't coming in the way I was expecting and therefore it took my awhile to recognize but it came. The answer I had to my question was peace and I believe that was Heavenly Father confirming to me that having another child was right.

It took me 2 months to share this experience with Russ. It is super sacred to me and with him not feeling the same way I feel, I didn't want him to second guess the peace that I truly did feel. It was a special moment to me. I was fearful that something so personal to me, an experience where I felt like God was really answering my prayer, wouldn't be received well or be thought to be "in my own head" or not really from God. But, Russ appreciated me sharing the story and thought it was really neat.

So, we are moving forward with having another kid. I appreciate Russ just trusting and supporting my strong feelings to have another child. In fact, Russ is already looking for a new car for our family, one with a third row. Now I need to call my OB to get my IUD out.

**March 25th, I called my OB to get my IUD out. Unfortunately, due to Coronavirus, she does not recommend getting pregnant right now and we scheduled an appointment in the beginning of June to get it out. I keep going back and forth between doubting myself and feeling confident that the answer I received is what is right for our family. But we will continue to move forward knowing that God will stop us if this is not right. Hopefully it will be quick to get pregnant, like our other two, and we will be welcoming a new baby to our family in the spring of next year!

Trailer

We bought a trailer!!!! After having rented a few trailers last year we decided that it would be better financially for us to just own our own. Having a trailer has completed changed the way I feel about camping, and the fact that my kids LOVE it as well! It's a fun way for us to disconnect from the world and connect as a family. We are excited for all the fun memories we will have together as a family in our trailer!

We have been in the market for a trailer for awhile now but haven't found one we absolutely love. We wanted one that would sleep about 5 people, is newer and nice and reasonably priced but also has lots of storage. It was hard to find all 4. Russ has done a ton of research on trailers online and we have gone and looked at a few but never found one we loved. Then we found the one we bought. Instantly it was the one I wanted and Russ felt the same. It checked all the boxes and we are so excited to own it! It is a 2020 Kodiak Cub!!

We are storing it at my parents house, as they have an extra cement pad that they do not use. We had to clean that cement pad up quite a bit to be able to park our trailer there, however. My parents had 2 beat up cars/truck that don't even work that were parked there. Then they had garbage and overgrown trees and dirt that we needed to clean out. We found someone that came and took their broken down cars away and actually paid my parents to take them and then Russ and I and my dad cleaned up the cement area. It took some work but we are so grateful for my parents for allowing us to park our trailer at their house.

We have a lot of purchases we need to make to stock our trailer full of stuff but we are so excited about it. We have our first camping trip scheduled Easter weekend where we will go with Amber and Bryan and their family to Green River. We can't even wait!!!

Valentine's Day

Last night Russ and I went out on a date! It has been awhile since we have gone out and it was so nice and refreshing to do so. We got a couples massage and then went to dinner at Goodwood. I think I am more in love with Russ now then I've ever been. I'm not sure why this is but I felt that way last night. After our date, I heart attacked everyone's door for them to wake up to.

Russ' door

 "You are everything I ever wanted," "With you I can be myself," "I love you," "I love when you play with my hair." 

 "I love how you sacrifice for our family," "I love to hear your laugh," "You show me your love for me," "I love your sense of humor," "You are so kind to me," "I love how you want to do what is right."

 Hallie's door

 "You make good choices," "You are so smart," "I love your confidence," "I love your energy," "You make me proud," "You are my mini-me," "You are special to me."

 "I love when you give Brooks your 2nd sucker from music class," "I love that you love to play games," "I love when you laugh really hard," "I love your memory," "I love you," "I love that you are nice to everyone."

 Brooks' door

 "I love that you love to eat," "I love your dimple." 

 "I love how you are almost always happy," "I love how you say, Go Jazz Go!," "I love that you love to snuggle," "I love that you love cars."

Present set up for Russ and the kiddos

Morning time! Brooks loving the hearts on his door!

 Present time!

 New Nike's. She was beyond excited to get her very own Nike's. They are one of the most expensive shoes she's ever worn and when I was contemplating buying them Russ said, "Everyone needs a good pair of Nike's!" Haha, so I bought them and she loves them! 

 Brooks got a lawnmower bubble machine. Much to our surprise, this is one of his favorite outside toys. When we go on walks, he is always pushing this mower. So freaking cute!

 Valentines card from Grandma Becky and Grandpa Joe. Gigi and Poppons Nickle also brought over a Valentine but I didn't capture a picture of it. 

 I got Russ some weights and a lid for his Sous Vide 

 Valentine card from Hallie, "Dear Kylee here is a special card love Hallie."

 And on the back she drew a gift and a cake. So sweet!

 After work, Russ came home with flowers for both me and Hallie. Hallie felt incredibly special that she got flowers too and I couldn't have loved Russ more when he also thought to get Hallie flowers as well. It is so important to me that Hallie knows how much she is loved by me but definitely by her dad. I hope that Hallie feels so special and loved from this act.

 Brooks getting in on the picture action!

We had our special candlelight spaghetti dinner! Hallie organized the candlelight's in the shape of a heart in the center of the table. Haha! 

 After the kids went to bed, Russ and I had a raclette snacks with cheese bread and veggies!

We had a great Valentine's Day, one in which I think everyone in our family felt loved and special!